Stark: 007
by Rhiannon A. Christy
Summary: A movie marathon leads Stark to the revelation that he was the James Bond of the Avengers. This causes a contest between the male members of the group, with interesting results. Suggested Hawkeye/Darcy, Rated M for Language


Life was strange. This was something Darcy had heard many times before, but never had it actually applied to her life as much as it had since New Mexico. Life up until then had been rather boring, nothing more exciting or strange happening to her than finding out she had the same birth mark as her cousin. But running over an alien god, befriending said god, and watching as the small town she had been staying in was destroyed by an evil ass metal monster, was anything but boring. Nor was her current situation.

Life after Thor left had gone back to normal, for awhile at least. She had decided to take some time from school and continue to help Jane. It hadn't been a hard choice, after finding out about aliens she just couldn't see herself going back to lectures and tests. For a time she helped to organize her research, as well as console her when she started to doubt ever seeing Thor again.

She was there when Jane got the call from SHIELD about a research opportunity that one would be stupid to pass up. She was also there when the local news broadcasted that New York was under attack and Jane watched with unblinking eyes as her lover boy flew across the screen.

So, it was only right that when Jane was offered housing in the newly remodeled Stark Tower, that Darcy would follow. Even if Jane only earned the invitation because she was Thor's girlfriend. Luckily Tony Stark hadn't even batted an eyelash. When Jane had walked in with Darcy at her heels, Tony simply made a crude comment about her chest and ordered JARVIS to let Pepper know that an extra room was needed.

That had been close to a year ago, and since then Darcy could have only described her life as strange. Though Darcy wouldn't trade that for normal for the world. Darcy looked around her, a silly smile gracing her lips. No, she wouldn't trade them for all the poptarts in the universe.

"So, this man is a legendary warrior among the Midgardians?" Darcy suppressed a giggle at Thor's booming voice. For all the time he had spent on Earth, all the hours that Tony worked to educate him on all things human, Thor still had problems with certain concepts. Such as television and movies.

"Really Point Break, how many times have we been over this? That is a TV, a magic box that shows you fictional stories, like magic plays." Everyone in the room laughed as Pepper slapped Tony upside the head before heading over to the bar. No one said Tony was a very good teacher.

Thor smiled along with everyone else, not in the least offended, and continued to watch the movie.

In the world of super heroes and villains, it had been pretty quiet as of late. No one had tried to take over the world, blow up New York or Tokyo, it seemed as though the universe's villains had decided to take a vacation. For most of the world this was a time of peace, a time for celebrating. For the Avengers it was boring.

To Darcy it seemed as though the super heroes were not happy unless they were blowing things up and chasing crazy ass villains that tended to monologue. So it had not surprised Darcy when Tony had announced the day before that he had planned a bit of entertainment for the group and all their girls. What had surprised her was what that entertainment had been. She had been expecting some huge party, the Tower overflowing with Avenger groupies and overpriced booze. Instead Tony had pulled everyone into the room he dubbed "The Theater" and picked up a stack of dvds. Tony was adamant that no one would be leaving that room until they had watched every 007 movie ever filmed.

Groans and pops could be heard as everyone stretched as the credits of the last movie rolled across the wall sized screen. Darcy couldn't really remember what one they were on, she had fallen asleep at some point in the middle of the night and woke to find them halfway through a different movie.

Pepper was still at the bar, idly munching on the Chinese take out, while everyone else stood rushing to the bathrooms or just taking a moment to straighten their backs. Darcy mused, that for once Tony had come up with an idea that was actually a good one.

It had taken a few minutes for everyone to return to the room and settle down, ready to start the next movie.

"Watching all these I realized that James Bond reminds me of someone, but I couldn't put my finger on it." Pepper made a scoffing sound from the bar, already knowing where Tony was going with it. Not that anyone didn't see where he was going with it.

"Oh, and did you finally figure it out?" Nat's words were dripping with sarcasm, but Tony just beamed at her as he replied.

"Of course, it's me! I can't believe I hadn't noticed it before. I'm the James Bond of the Avengers." Everyone rolled their eyes, they all should have seen that coming from the beginning. Tony could be a sweetheart, but he was still a narcissistic ass.

When no one reacted the way he had expected, Tony stood up, and pointed to all the guys in the room.

"Don't believe me? Fine, I call a challenge to find our Bond." Darcy peeked over to Pepper, but the woman was hiding her face in her hand. The woman deserved a metal for dealing with all of Tony's crap.

"And what would this challenge entail?" Of course it was Thor who spoke. Of everyone in the room, Thor could never turn down a challenge. Darcy figured it was because he was an alien god prince, or something of that manner.

"The one to gain the most attention from the women will be named Bond." Pepper's head had shot up at that, but Tony had already turned away from her and sat down.

"I accept your challenge Tony Stark." The rest of the men in the room made similar statements, though none as formal as Thor's. All Darcy could think was how she would like to smack Tony on the back of the head. Because of that she missed as it was decided that Thor would go first.

Thor looked over to Jane, who was sitting beside him, and gave her the smile Darcy knew led to screaming in the bedroom. Something Darcy really wished she didn't know.

"You are looking ravishing tonight, Lady Jane. I have never come across a woman with hair as silky as yours, or eyes like jewels. I have traveled the nine realms, and in not one of them have I found a woman of such beauty and wisdom. Or one that sends heat to my loins with such a passion." Darcy nearly laughed out at the look on Jane's face, she looked like she was about to jump her boyfriend right there.

"That's not fair! She's your girlfriend, and girlfriends don't count." Tony was right, still Darcy figured if Thor turned on that same charm with the rest of them they would all melt just the same. Nevertheless, Thor agreed and conceded defeat. A lot more gracefully than Tony would have ever done.

"Alright Rogers, you're up." Steve went red, but nodded and slid down off the couch to sit beside Darcy.

"D-darcy, you are looking lovely tonight. Not that you don't look lovely every night, in fact you normally look pretty every day…not t-that I have been watching you or anything. Just that I see you around and you always looks so pretty and…." Darcy smiled sweetly at him, Steve was a sweetheart, but he still couldn't talk to woman. She decided to put him out of his misery before he dug himself any deeper.

"Stop Steve, please. You really are both sweet and cute, but nowhere near Bond level, more like excited puppy dog." Darcy dared to reach up and pinch his cheek, something she had been wanting to do since she met him. Steve blushed and returned to his seat on the couch.

"You're up Green Giant." Darcy rolled her eyes at Tony's nicknames . He had several for each of them, each more ridiculous than the last. Her's, of course, all involved some mention of her chest.

"I think I will just concede now, I already know I'm not Bond material." Bruce chuckled and settled himself further into his eat. Sometimes Darcy thought he was too hard on himself. Sure, he wasn't as sexy as Tony or dashing as Steve. He wasn't a panty melter like Thor or had a body like Clint. But he was hansom in his own way. He certainly wasn't ugly, and Darcy had found herself looking his way once or twice.

"Come on, when I win I don't want there to be any doubt." Bruce shook his head but turned to Nat anyway.

"First off, please don't kill me." Nat laughed a bit and nodded. She could be a stone faced killer if she needed to be, but she was a good friend to Bruce.

"Hey Baby, you look hungry. Why don't we go back to my place, I have a Hulk sized sausage with your name on it." For a moment everyone was silent, not believing that Bruce would actually say something like that to the Black Widow. But once Nat burst out laughing everyone joined in. It was just too ridiculous.

"Why in the world would you even think of that? Or think that would work?!" Bruce laughed along with her, but before he could answer Pepper interrupted by throwing popcorn at Tony.

"I'm pretty sure I know." Tony just shrugged, picked the popcorn from his shirt and popped it into his mouth.

"Hey, it will work! The Hulk has just as many fan girls as any of us. Hell, even Loki has a freaking following. I mean, have you seen those girls?!" Tony shuddered and popped another piece of popcorn in his mouth.

"Tony, you're having all the rest go, why don't you put your money where your mouth is and give it a try?" Pepper threw a few more kernels at her boyfriend.

"Hey, I'm trying to be fair. I _am_ Bond after all and going first is just unfair to the rest of the guys. Got to give them a chance at least." Darcy found herself rolling her eyes once again. She believed that she would actually get eye strain one day from being around Tony Stark too much.

"I won't be offended if you went before me. Go ahead Stark, show us how it is really done." Tony just shrugged at Clint's words, and looked over to Jane, only to be given The Glare of Death from Thor. Darcy heard him whisper 'right' and turned to her.

"Hey Baby Doll…." Darcy didn't allow him to finish before she glared at him and grabbed her bag that she had been using as a back rest.

"Don't think that I won't hesitate to taser your ass." Tony backed off with his hands in the air and turned to Nat, but before he could even get a word out, she had stood up and smacked him upside the head. Everyone laughed at the pout on Tony's face. Darcy seriously wished she had a camera to record everything that had been going on.

"I doubt you could do better, Robin Hood." Clint, who had been smirking at Tony, stood up without a word. He took off his hoodie and ran a hand through his hair. Darcy watched from her spot on the floor a few feet away, her eyes riveted to his movements.

Clint straightened his shirt that had slipped part way up his stomach, exposing what Darcy thought was the world's most perfect stomach. All the time he wasn't even looking at any of the girls, though like Darcy, they were him. Clint turned then and gave Jane a slow smile that had her actually giggling like a school girl. Thor had frowned at that, but made no remark.

Still without saying a word Clint walked over to where Pepper was at the bar, his hand and hips brushing her side as he reached over to grab a bottle of vodka and a glass. He smiled and winked at her as he turned around, leaving Pepper fanning her face behind him. And Tony glaring daggers.

Clint filled the glass full of vodka as he slowly walked back over to the rest of the group. He steps measured, as though he planned each one to show off the thick muscles that laid underneath his tight jeans.

He took a slow and exaggerated sip of his drink, his head thrown back a little, his Adams Apple bobbing up and down as he swallowed. Darcy had to squeeze her legs shut as heat pooled there. All she could think about was attaching her lips to that throat and sucking hard.

He knelt down between her and Nat on the floor, leaning back against the couch. He threw one arm over Nat's shoulder and handed her the drink with his other hand, his fingers straying to play with a strand of her hair before giving her a fond smile, and receiving one in return. He then turned to Darcy, still smiling, and pulled his arm off of Nat's shoulders to slowly slip one of his hands into Darcy's hair. He removed her glasses with the other, and set them aside. Darcy couldn't breathe as he leaned over her and gave a soft kiss to her forehead and then her nose. Her eyes slid shut as his mouth slid down to take her lips in a heated kiss. It was all hot lips, teeth, tongue and moans, and Darcy thought she was in heaven.

Clint pulled back, a soft smile on his face. He gave Darcy one last peck on the tip of her nose and stood up to grab his beer from across the room.

"What the Fuck?!" Tony's angry yell echoed throughout the room, and pulled Darcy back to reality. Clint just laughed and winked at Darcy, and to her horror, making her giggle and clamp a hand over her mouth.

"I don't care, I'm still the Bond of this group!" More popcorn flew from the bar, more scoffing sounds and eyes rolls. But Tony ignored them all as he sat there and pouted.

Darcy looked over to where Clint was sitting, and stifled a gasp when she found him watching her intently. Yes, she thought, this was the best idea that Tony had ever had.

* * *

Author's Note: Ok, so this is my first Avengers story ever! I'm a bit obsessed at the moment so yeah. Anyway, this isn't the best I can do, but it popped into my head the other day while watching IM2 and I had just watched Skyfall the night before, and well weird insperation and all.

Oh, and I AM one of those Loki Fangirls! And I do happen to have a Darcy/Loki planned, I have almost the whole story plotted out, chapter by chapter, so I should have the preface out in a few days.

Disclaimer:

**All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**


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